How to stay sane during the hurricane: Some tips
So we all know that Irene is about to fuck the east coast, and chances are, you’ve stocked up on batteries and water and all that good stuff. If you’re like most people though, you;ll probably be stuck inside, either alone or with your family, possibly without power, internet, or cell phone service (especially if you have AT&T). If so, playing cards by candle light can get pretty old after a while, so here are some tips to help you out, because who knows how long we could be locked inside for?
1. Charge EVERYTHING from beforehand. Even if you have cell phone service and internet access, it won’t mean shit if your laptop and phone are dead. Charge them. (And if you have a car charger, park your car as close to your house as possible, in case of emergency).
2. Call up a couple of friends before the storm hits, and hopefully they’ll get stuck at your house. This way, when you’re stuck in your house with nothing to do, at least you won’t be alone. Try to get more than one person though. You’d be surprised how quickly you can get sick of someone.
3. For guys: download your porn from now. When the storm hits, you don’t want to be stuck without food or water. Same goes for porn. You’re not gonna be able to hit up any booty calls, so even a shitty 2 minute clip is better than nothing at all.
4. Speaking of booty calls, please remember that if you’re waiting til 2 am to hit her up, it’s not worth risking your safety to drive to her house. Don’t be stupid.
5. Cabin fever can make you crazy. What happens during the storm, leaves with the storm.
6. Use as much energy as possible before the storm hits, then sleep through as much of the hurricane as possible. It’s not like you have to wake up early for anything anyway. Use that to your advantage.
7. Remember the people who live close by who you used to be friends with before you could drive? They’ll come in handy when the roads are flooded. Time to rekindle some old grade-school friendships.
8. Songs with “Hurricane” in the title, the movie “Me, Myself, and Irene”, The Miami Hurricanes, and anything else in the media having to do with storms or hurricanes are very relevant and obviously hilariously appropriate facebook status/twitter/bbm status material. Be prepared for your newsfeed to be filled with these things. To entertain yourself, try to one-up everyone else by combining as many of these as possible and getting more “like/retweets” than anyone else.
9. If you have anything valuable, in your basement, don’t leave it on the floor. (This is from personal experience…R.I.P. N64).
10. Truth is, it probably won’t even be so bad. Besides some flooding and maybe some downed trees/power lines, we’ll probably all be fine. However, your future kids and friends from college who aren’t from the east coast don’t know this. Spend your time locked indoors by thinking up a really intense and believable hurricane story. Tell this story at parties when appropriate.